


Your Puns Are Bad and You Are Bad

by Tortellini



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Domestic, Alternate Universe - Human, Bad Pick-Up Lines, Bad Puns, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Domestic, Domestic Bliss, Domestic Fluff, Drabble, Drabble Collection, Drabble Sequence, Drama & Romance, Family, Family Bonding, Family Fluff, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Fluff without Plot, Funny, Humor, M/M, Pick-Up Lines, Puns & Word Play, Romance, Romantic Fluff, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Wordcount: 1.000-5.000, Wordcount: 500-1.000, Wordcount: Over 1.000, puns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-29
Updated: 2017-05-29
Packaged: 2018-11-06 12:16:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11036007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tortellini/pseuds/Tortellini
Summary: (Drabble collection - relationships are in order of appearance) No one likes bad puns. That doesn't stop people from making them though, of course.Oneshot





	Your Puns Are Bad and You Are Bad

 

> 1\. Lamps (DenNor)

Lukas was on the front step of his apartment. He was searching, reaching into his satchel for his keys and trying his hardest to balance his coffee in his other hand. If he spilled it on his clothes...! He just had out his cup on the step next to him, to get into his bag better, when the door burst open. And...a lamp was thrown at him?

"Matthias!" He didn't have time to see who it was, but it had to be his boyfriend.

"What?" The taller guy said innocently. "Just saying you have to _lighten up_ , Norge!"

He laughed and ran back inside the apartment, but returned a few minutes later to carry the lamp back inside.  
  


 

> 2\. Handles (Spamano, mentioned GerIta)

Antonio paced around the living room anxiously, ringing his his hands together. Lovino sat on the couch, for the most part ignoring him and trying to watch his television program. He'd calm down eventually, right? It wasn't a big deal.

"Lovi, this is such a big deal!" He stopped in front of him. Oh, well fuck it. "How can you say you're not going?! This is your twin brother we're talking about, you--and me because of you--what are we going to--"

Lovino sighed and grabbed the handle of his coffee mug, breaking it off. They could fix it later. Then he chucked it at his partner and not too lightly, either. It hit Antonio in the shoulder.

"Ow."

"Listen, just...get a grip, Tonio." That made him stop and smile, as Lovino knew it would. "We can talk about this later. We still have time to decide about going to that goddamn wedding..." Toni's face was falling again, so he grabbed his hand and pulled him onto the couch next to him. "Now fucking relax, _si_?" He pressed a kiss to his cheek.  
  


 

> 3\. Straws (RusAme)

"Ha!" Alfred yelled, shooting up in his seat and grinning his widest smile at the man across from him. He was pushing it, because Ivan was starting to do the _kolkolkol_ -thing he liked to do before he hurt someone. But right now Alfred didn't care about that! Because he had won, and Ivan had lost.

Ivan looked down at the monopoly board, before looking back at him, face expressionless. "I do not think I understand--"

"Dude. Dude, no." Alfred paused. He ran into the kitchen, and came back with a box. "Don't be a sore loser." He opened up the box and threw some straws at him. "Suck it up, dude."

And then Ivan punched him, but not hard enough to hurt him. At least, not that much.  
  


 

> 4\. Refrigerators (SuFin)

Berwald was sitting at the kitchen table, looking intently at a catalogue. Next to him, his son Peter was eating lunch. It was a normal Sunday afternoon for their family. Everything changed when the Fire Nation attacked. I mean, when Tino walked in.

"Hello, loves," he said warmly, kissing his son and his partner/husband on their heads.

"Lookit th's." Berwald sat up more and pointed at something he was looking at. It was...it was an IKEA catalogue.

Tino's eyes widened. "Ber, we already have so much furniture."

"No w' don't." Berwald countered, eyebrows furrowed. Tino sighed and pulled his chair out for him. They looked into the living room, which, as he said, had a ton of furniture. Like, more than most people. More than normal...

"B't I l've it, m' wife!"

"Berwald."

Berwald sighed and looked away. "Tino, I...I 'lready 'rdered it."

Tino's eyes widened. He picked up the refrigerator. Yeah, so he was smaller than Berwald, but he was definitely just as strong as him. "You seriously need to chill, Ber!"

Silence. Then Peter giggled and said, "Wow, Mum, that was awesome!"  
  


 

> 5\. Bridges (USUK)

July fourth. Arthur was sure that Alfred had no idea how this hurt him. Sure, he was proud of the man Al had become (though Arthur would never admit it out loud, to him or anyone else...). But this year would be different. Arthur was sure of it.

The day of the holiday came, and Arthur was at home, sleeping in. He usually didn't do that but...uh, this was a special occasion... Oh who was he kidding, he was pouting. Even Francis couldn't cheer him up (and he wasn't allowed to come inside his house so...). But he sat up in bed when he heard a knock on his front door.

Arthur grabbed a bathrobe and headed downstairs to see who it was. When he opened the door, his heart skipped a few beats. Alfred was standing there holding a bag, grinning a small grin. He held out the bag for Arthur.

"Hey Iggy," he said. "This is for you."

"For...er, me?" It was Alfred's birthday, so it really should be the other way around. Alfred didn't stop holding the bag out though, so Arthur humored him and took it, pulling whatever it was out and into his hand.

It was a miniature Golden Gate Bridge. Arthur looked at it curiously, before back at Alfred. "Uh... Thank you...?"

Alfred took a step closer. "You have to get over it. The Revolution." He looked down at the small bridge. "This...this'll help you." He placed a hand over Arthur's hand that was holding the miniature, and Arthur didn't know what to say.  
  


 

> 6\. Knives (One-sided LietBel, LietPol)

Natalya didn't like him. Simple. I mean he was...it was just a lot. For a lot of reasons. So when she saw Toris coming, she pulled out a knife and chucked it at him. It missed, but hopefully he got the idea.

...he didn't.

Toris looked from the knife stuck into the wall next to his right ear, and then back at her. She crossed her arms and glared at him. "Oh. I get it. This is like that thing where someone throws something to make a pun, right?"

"...what the hell are you talking about?" Was he really that stupid?

"Like...if you throw scissors at someone to tell them to cut it out."

That was a good idea, maybe she'd do that next if he tried to come near her again. "No. I threw a knife at you because I wanted to stab you." Then she turned and walked away. Toris watched her go longingly.

"Whoa, dude." Feliks said, suddenly at his side. "That was like, way too super harsh." On the inside he gave himself a fist bump; he ha a huge crush on his best friend, and even though he didn't like to see him hurt...every time he was rejected by Natalya was an opportunity for Feliks himself to confess. If only he wasn't so shy!

 

 


End file.
